dear David…

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i don’t think i’ve ever written about you. nor have i written to you about how i feel about you.

yes, you’re my little brother, you’re annoying but i love you. that’s what i always say to you and you to me. but what i really feel and think about you is so much more than that. so since it’s your birthday, i think it’s time to put my thoughts into words (:

first, blessed 20th birthday, my baby brother who’s not so little anymore. welcome to the twenties – the decade of having to make life changing decisions, of discovering yourself and the world, learning lessons the hard way, and probably the most spontaneous 10 years of your life!

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i still remember you being the cutest baby, pushing you in the stroller at the playground. if memory serves me right, it was when you said your first word “jie”. this is a story i’ve boasted about one too many times. i was a proud sister knowing that we had such a strong bond, which has only grown stronger. and i’m a prouder sister now looking at the man you’ve grown up to be.

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you’re funny and smart. funnier and smarter than most people i know. you’re so matured. wayyy beyond your years. like an old soul trapped in a young man’s body, as i always say. the way you think never ceases to amaze me and many times make me feel like a shallow dumb blond! hahah!

dad, mom and i used to worry coz you were so shy growing up. but now, look at you, you’re wise, you always know how to approach different people, when to open your mouth, when to keep comments to yourself and what to say to make people feel better.

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you’re gentle and tender to the people around you. the way you talk to our grandparents, the adults in our church and parents of your friends is more than just respectful. there’s so much sincerity and kindness in you. the way you handle the women in your life… mommy, mama(grandmother), zee girlfriend , your sister, your close girl friends. it makes me proud. because seeing how you treat us, with so much love and respect shows me that you’ll be a great husband and father someday.

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vid vid chee, my sweet little brother, i want you to know that i’m so grateful for you. although younger, you’ve played the big brother role countless times, giving me the soundest of advices, comforting me as a sobbed uglily. i’m grateful that although we used to fight like cats and dogs to the point of tearing each others skin off, we still have such a close relationship. and although when we’re far apart and it may seem like we forget each other every once in a while, i really do treasure you and the times we do get to spend together during my summer breaks. i’m glad we’re the kind of brothers and sisters that can sit and talk for hours, be it gossiping or telling each other our secrets that daddy and mommy should never find out about (muahahaha) or talking about serious relationship stuff and our future. i’m glad that you can confide in me and vice versa. i’m glad you’re my partner in crime and that i can count on you to have my back.

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so as you step into your twenties, my prayer for you is that you continue to grow to be that great man i know you will be, that you be strong in Lord, that you’ll find success in your studies as you travel abroad in the near future, that you continue being the sweet son, brother and boyfriend you’ve always been. i pray that no dream of yours is too great to achieve and i pray for your safe-keeping wherever you go.

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i love you, my baby brother. happy birthday (:

2013 taught me.

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it’s the last day of 2013. this year flew by. time passed way too fast. and i’m ashamed to admit that i have taken many things for granted, and i haven’t accomplished the many things that i set out to do at the beginning of 2013.

most of you may have heard by now, there were 2 bomb blasts yesterday and earlier today in Volgograd, Russia. the first, at the main train station and second, a trolleybus. some people have never heard of this city until now, but Volgograd is home to me. i’ve lived and grown up, gone through life-changing experiences in this city for the past 6 plus years.

to enlighten you, the bus that was bombed today wasn’t just any ordinary bus. it’s the one that my friends and i have been taking every morning to class for the past 2 weeks. and by the grace of God, we are all safe. this particular bus passes by my house every morning at about 8.10, so i usually leave house at 8 to catch it. but today for some reason, i felt very disturbed while i was getting ready for class. i had this unsettling feeling, which i ignored at first and proceeded to put on my winter boots. this feeling grew, so i stood by my door and started to pray in tongues. it may seem ridiculous to some of you, but i believe it was the prompting of the Holy Spirit, God’s divine intervention. i walked back into my room, sat on my bed and prayed a little more. then changed my mind about taking that bus and decided to take a mashrut number 7A (public van transportation) instead, which meant i could leave home a little later. while waiting at the traffic light, the first 7A passed by but didn’t see me stop it. i managed to get on the second one that came a few minutes later, and i was off on my way to class. the next thing i knew, i was getting texts from my group mates, worried, informing the rest of us that there has been another blast. and then came the blaring sirens of ambulances and police cars rushing to the scene which wasn’t that far off from all of us. the blast has taken at least 14 lives up to this moment and left many more injured. 

a wave of panic swept over Volgograd. my facebook and twitter timeline was filled with updates and news about the blast. and it started to sink in, how close all of us were to death. when i finally reached home, i broke down and cried, thanking God for His protection over me and my friends. indeed our God is a great God. His hand goes before us, in our going out and coming in. today i experienced it again. such amazing mercy and grace.

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although this tragedy is a terrible way to end 2013, it was a great reminder of how faithful God is and has been in my life. for indeed He is my refuge, my fortress, i need not fear the terror of night or the arrow that flies by day. 

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2013 has taught me:

– the power of prayer

– to tell your loved ones you love them whenever you can.

– in everything, give thanks. 

– to be grateful for all the things i’ve taken for granted.

– as bad things may seem, someone else could be going through worse.

– that i should forgive and give grace because you never know if tomorrow could be your last.

– not to be so caught up with daily routines and let the year pass by unknowingly.

 

although my 2013 has been filled with so many ups and downs, it has taught me patience and perseverance and shown me who my true friends are, and who genuinely cares. i really want to say a big thank you to my family and friends back home who constantly uphold me in prayer, encourage me and help me up when i’m down.

may all of you have a great new year despite the circumstances, start the new year afresh, and may your 2014 be a fruitful and blessed one.

 

for all the little things

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dear daddy, every year on your birthday and father’s day, i take the time to list down all the things you’ve done that i’m thankful for. i usually talk about the big things. like how responsible you are, working so much harder that you should to give us a good life; the time you spent chauffeuring us around town all day for our tuitions and music classes; the sacrifices you make, giving up your needs for our wants (mostly mine. coz i can be such a brat sometimes and i’m sorry for that).

while i’ll forever be thankful for those things, it’s all the little things that i love and cherish.

♡ for your arm that is always there for me to playfully bite (sorry for the bruises! heheh). ♡

♡ for your feet that i prick and poke while you watch tv. ♡

♡ for the times you lazily peel yourself off the floor to go jogging with me, and even play basketball in the rain with me. ♡

♡ for being the one who taught me how to give up the best piece of meat/chicken skin/sotong egg for my loved ones because you always gave yours up for me. ♡

♡ for all the mischief like hiding what i saved for last on my plate while i get a drink or hiding behind the door to scare me. ♡

♡ for wrestling with me, tickling me and making me shriek and laugh like a crazy person. ♡

♡ for carrying me up to my room back then when i fell asleep in the back of the car. ♡

♡ for the times you asked me to pick cili padi from our plant for us during lunch time because every time i eat cili padi away from home, i remember eating it with you. ♡

♡ for the times you let me make so much noise talking gibberish and play along with it even though i get so annoying. ♡

♡ for making silly faces with me ♡

Read the rest of this entry

new and improved

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hello again. i’m back.

it’s a lazy Saturday afternoon. i’m sprawled on my tummy, on my bed, under the covers. it was raining, not sure if it still is. but it’s the perfect weather to be tucked in bed and to be cuddled, with the chilly autumn breeze seeping in through the cracks under my windows, and the sound of puddles of water splashing as cars drive past. my hair is disheveled, tied in a messy bun. eyeliner and mascara slightly smeared, my choice of home clothing extremely comfortable but a terribly uncoordinated sight.

so what is “new and improved”? aside from my new blog theme and my finally updated display picture…

ME.

it has been a year since i’ve last visited my blog, since i’ve last written. i was even contemplating to delete it since i’m absolutely useless when it comes to updating it. but a friend’s very well written facebook post reminded me of how much i enjoy writing (when i’m not too busy or distracted). so i revisited this dusty old corner of the internet, reread old posts one after another, laughed to myself, at myself for how i used to be and for the thoughts i used to have, felt a little bit sorry for myself when reminded of the tears behind certain entries. but most of all, i’m glad to see how far i’ve come since. grateful for the documented records of the bits and pieces of my journey, my life.

i’m still the same in many ways. but i’m in a much better place now. and i would like to think i’ve grown a little bit wiser (not just older!).

alsoooo, all those rants about facing examinations will soon be rendered irrelevant. because i’m in my final year of med school. it’s almost the end of yet another chapter in my life. i want to make this year count. not just academically. and hopefully write more so that years from now, i’ll have something concrete to look back to. and remember exactly how i felt at this precise moment.

summer rain

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hello there fellow readers! (i wonder if anyone ever visits this page anymore)

it has been a long hiatus, i know. but keeping a blog running is difficult, at least for me it is. i find it pointless to publicize the fine details of my life like what i’m eating or what i wore here coz who would be interested anyway, right? and really, the only time i actually feel like writing anything is when i’m overwhelmed by emotions. i start pouring my heart out in this little text box on my screen. i purge all my angst and sadness, trying to find some sort release. then right before i hit the “publish post” button, i reread my entry. i end up feeling so vulnerable and emotionally naked. and every precious word that i write will cease to survive the “delete” button. 

so that’s my excuse for not updating. not like i owe anyone an explanation. but yeah.

on a lighter note, i’m currently squeezing my overworked brain for the very limited vocabulary i have trying to finish this post. it’s finally my summer break. and after a month of little sleep, hair-pulling, nail-biting exam stress, i get to sit down on a couch, accompanied by the very rare summer’s rain and breeze, soothed by Jesse & Joy’s ¡Corre! playing in the background and not have to worry about what time it is or what to do next. and in 3 days, i’ll be going back home to Malaysia! (: i can’t wait to touch down at the airport and go back to my home sweet home. all the heavenly food awaits me. i get two months at home this time around. so hopefully i don’t put on too much weight. haha! 

okay, what else? i’m gonna do this thing where i think out loud in this post, where i write out every random thought that crosses my mind. mcD chocolate chip cookies… mmmm! should put that on my checklist of what to do for my next three days here in Volgograd. and Zara and topshop. there should be summer sales right about now. i’ve been looking for a chiffon blouse. so hopefully i find a decently priced one. i’ve been surfing online shops, and there’s this really pretty mint tea dress from sabo skirt i’m so tempted to buy. but it’s probably too revealing, so scratch that thought. ):

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that’s all for now, i guess. i’m feeling sleepy. must be the rain. gotta sleep since i PLAN to go jogging tomorrow morning. a plan that has been postponed for the millionth time now. hehe. good night people! God bless you all (: